they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
