I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
