I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
