Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
