I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm too high and old for this...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
