Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
