Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
