The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His hands were made for my vagina.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
