i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
