I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
