Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
