I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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