Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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