Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
