Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
