I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
