Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
