I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
