I need help removing her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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