Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
