Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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