I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
