I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
