I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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