It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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