They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
