I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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