Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just invented taco cereal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
