I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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