I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
