Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
