so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
