you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
