It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
