Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
