i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
