I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
