Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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