dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
