where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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