He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
