Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Holy sore nipples Batman
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
