how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
