to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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