You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
