We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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