i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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