i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
