I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
