guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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