I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
